finding out

Tell me how hard it was hitting you
Was the fog kissing your bedroom window
The wind slamming your door close,
Closer to what you swore you'd never be
Further away from me
Was it slow or was it fast
Did you drag your heart to bed
Did the smoke get to your head
Was the city on your side
When you decided loneliness wasn't for you
Those street signs don't mean anything to you
Did you cry when you realized it was the last thing to do?
Tell me did your arms get weak
Around three or four in the morning
Reaching for the beauty through your ceiling
Hiding from your life, coming out at night
Running up and down your mind



Tell me the way you felt
When you watched me fall to the ground
Why did everyone i love break down,
If it was such a silent sound
If we were all good, you swore we were both fine.
Find another word for departure
This can't be happening again
This can't be happening,
We were almost there-
I've got an empty heart but i've never felt more safe
And on my knees, i've been praying for this for years

Mornings are a reminder
To the every day habits that left a few pieces still on the floor
Take a two way street to try and compromise
End up hitting the same damn wall
Self destruct, do you still feel as pure?
You didn't leave me in ruins
I still feel the sun rising through this side of the country
And if the January cold still gets to me
It's not as bad from the safe place I'm in
As from where you're standing
where the body I used to love's shivering
The eyes I used to crave start staring
Your voice's breaking

You'll always be feeling

The way the nerves of your neck tense up
When my name is brought up
The way your hands turn into fists
I used to find romance in the way you were fucked up
I used to find glory into each and every one of your defeats.

21

In between seasons you're doubting everything
Trying to hold your head high so you can keep breathing
You almost convince yourself you're as young as you feel
Passing by the people you can't stop missing-
What would i do to go back to the times
My father would tell me everything will be fine
Take me back to watching the stars align
When everything we noticed had to be a sign
It had to be a sign.
We will never grow apart,
Embrace your melancholia and let it pass
We will never grow apart
You are my first, you are my last.

Cursing yourself

I stopped counting the nights seeking comfort
Into the arms of a memory
That barely looks like  you anymore
Because i forgot the lines of your face
When the road makes you grow so old
When these strings make your hands damn cold
When the airplanes that never land in my city
Come crashing into the hope i had for you and me
Because i may have been the youngest
but i loved you the hardest
And burning bridges i let you steal my best.

Now standing alone you're changing your mind
You're changing your ways but it took me too long to love again
Took way too long for you to come home
And this bed can't be yours anymore
So i'll wish this on someone else
Sending you to someone else.

Phases

When your sick game with nostalgia becomes  tragic
Oh when your nostalgia turns into obsession
When your head says hide but your guts say seek
When all you have left is your deceitful intuition-
Run to the place she used to live in
Crawl in the bed she used to sleep in
You'll find that even though she's gone
Her smell is still haunting these walls
These stairs are still facing her falls
And maybe you can still catch what's left of her love.

I like to think you're a stranger to me now 
That everything we've ever done like driving fast and careless, is part of a past that was never my present
You would have left me plain and simple, hurt and broken, ii would have been content.
I danced in your kitchen awhile ago
I grabbed on to your hips knowing i had to let go
I saw the hint of a smile on your familiar face
You said we did this right and we fucked up the rest
We did this right and ruined everything else

your will

Listen to a thousand songs
Reminding you of your young soul
It won't take you back closer
It won't take you back to her-

You're pushing her head underwater

Baby you're not sick anymore i promise
Darling you're safe now i must confess
What you need is a savior and not a cure
When you're doubting their love and feel unsure
When you're craving the arms of a father figure
Breathe in,
the things i gave to you
Breathe out
The things i never asked for you to give back