why do you have to make this so hard.
you make me want to desappear.
why do you make it so hard to breathe.

fall, fall, fall.

Today i sat on a bench for hours.

It was about 6 pm and the air was cold, not too cold, just enough for my skin to react. I looked at people around me and they were all walking so fast, everything was going so slow for me.
The sky was blue and the trees were turning orange. And it was as if i was just discovering the world for the first time. Nothing mattered, nothing controlled me, nothing owned me. I was just a girl sitting on a bench. Just a body. My mind was far gone. All i could experience was this feeling. It reminded me how i felt the last few nights before christmas, in France, when i was still a little girl. I remember walking in the streets, holding my father's hand, looking at people's faces while they were buying presents, and i knew something amazing was about to happen. I was fascinated. I remember the cold air on my face. I remember knowing things were going to be good, because everything felt right, right at that moment.

"She stood very still, because her first perception was not of sight, but of touch: the consciousness, not of a visual presence, but of a slap in the face...She knew that she could not move until her permitted her to...She knew it was the most beautiful face she would ever see, because it was the abstraction of strenght made visible. She felt a convulsion of anger, of protest, of resistance- and of pleasure. He stood looking up at her; it was not a glance, but an act of ownership... He looked up as if he expected her to be there, as if her knew she would be back. She saw the hint of a smile, more insulting than words. He sustained the insolence of looking straight at her, he would not move, he would not grant the concession of turning away- of acknowledging that he had no right too look at her in such manner. He had not merely taken that right, he was saying silently that she had given it to him.
'Why do you always stare at me?'
'For the same reason you've been staring at me.'"


-Ayn Rand

if i dance for hours...

maybe i'll forget?
i'll probably feel better.

if i smoke all day,
maybe i'll regret?
Could i ever feel dirtier?

way, way too silent

and everytime you leave...it's not alright.

your voice controls me. i swear the world stands still when i hear you sing.

but can i do it?- i don't know
but can i let this go? -no.
and if you're not here when i wake up, will i get through the day?
If you're gone for days and days.
don't let me be scared, no you just shouldn't.
i'll hide so well, you'll never find me again..

help me breathe.

when i'm lost...
reach for my hand
hurt me so i can feel
So i can feel alive again
warm me up
but don't touch me.
Dream you know the words to calm me down,
do you honestly believe you're exactly what i was trying to find?
I dare you to look into my eyes
when i'm losing control
losing control?
have i ever, ever, had any.

"Fuck this day and the inferior dirt that stands in our way. Fuck this city and the space between us. Fuck the sky and the earth but most of all, Fuck me for possibly ruining the last beautiful thing in my life." - my love.

1:50

2am-3am-4am
such lonely hours.
Too much time to think.


are we thinking the same thing right at this minute?
you tell me.
you told me.
say it again tonight.

call me

For the last three years i have been waiting by the phone
And we have smiled, we have cried, we have yelled and fought
We have laughed, we whispered and made up.
We have tried to find excuses
We have chased each other until we were both out of breath
We made our story beautiful
We made our story unforgettable.
I tried to be distant
I tried to let you go
But three years are not enough to get you out of my head,
and there are so many words that i'm thinking
that haven't been said
There are millions of promises you could never tell me,

So dial my number and call me.

on the road

I wonder how easy it makes things, to be able to get away from everything every 2 months.
I also wonder how difficult it makes things.
The feeling of missing someone is the feeling i know best.
Certainly because i am always attracted to musicians, and musicians are known to be on the road.
I wonder how it feels to meet people every night, to sleep in another place every night, to travel to another town every day.

The truth is? I am jealous.
Things that are temporary are always the most precious.

what i love the most

is to lay on the ground during a summer night with a cigarrette in hand.

that's all

let down-go

sure, it's pretty
it might feel right tonight
but really, it's nothing at all, really, it's not real, really, it's not worth anything.
open your beautiful eyes.




and if i'm wrong? try harder.
i'm letting go.

foolish game.

oh the games we play.
you say if you walk away, then i'll try to find you.

i hate that you know.
I make the rules.
just not in your bedroom.



why did i even start playing.

we both lost anyway.

about our bed;

let's go buy white sheets,
let's share pillows.
I want to see coffee stains
I want to create our smell.
Let's lay here for days,
Late for work and late for class
let's touch and fight
let's talk all night.
Play with my hair
while i stare at you
Let's get a small bed
So i never feel far away from you ever again.
Let's make memories.

Passion at its best

I care more than you will ever know.
Every thing you say, create, write, sing, fascinates me. God, falling in love never really meant anything real before i met you. People always say "when it's the right person, you'll know". And they might have been just right.
I knew the day we met.
the first hour,
the first time you made me smile
and the first time you put your hands on me.
Something was different. I can't say this is going to last forever because it affects us so much that it scares the hell out of us and we could both get destroyed by a foolish misunderstanding or a mistake..but what i can say, what i can promise you is that from now on, i will do my best to make it last.
You make me feel.
You make me feel happy, lucky and all the most precious feelings in the world.
But you can also make me feel sad, my saddest, hurt, empty.
Because you can do anything to me. You own my mind and my body. You control me.
I am so passionate about you. It's slowly killing me.

And i'm loving every second of it.