what this summer brought

i love growing up
i hate growing old.
This was the summer i realized that i could not be a little girl anymore.
I make decisions, stupid ones.
Sometimes i learn, sometimes i don't, i can't lie.

I'm still a little girl no matter what. I need to be taken care of, and i wonder who will take care of me when they'll leave me. This summer brought so many insecurities,
do i leave everything again? Can i leave everything again,
what i now call home, who i now call my bestfriends?
The answer seems so obvious until i get to the next thought,
can i let my family go? my family.
And i'll never hear: don't worry they're just a few miles away.
Try to deal with an ocean away.
I feel so torn in between two worlds. Always have, always will. Being blamed for not wanting to live where i should live is the worse feeling i have ever experienced. I always had to leave people i loved, they never understood. I just wish i never had to do this again.